Adventures in Parenting

We’ve often heard it said that a child’s self-esteem affects the choices he makes.

It takes a strong self-esteem to say No to drugs, No to sex, No to peer pressure.

Kids need confidence to stand up to the bully, to do what is right when it’s unpopular, and to reach high goals.

What can we do as parents to build our children’s self-esteem?

1. Provide opportunities to stimulate your child’s strong points to compensate his weakness. My son is just not the sports type. We tried basketball, we tried tennis. But he didn’t like any type of sports. It’s hard to be a boy and not athletic. He had a tough time in every PE class and was often teased.

But he was very good in math. His interest was computers. He could put together his own computer at a young age and learned computer languages on his own. We enrolled him in computer camp, and bought him all kinds of computer gadgets. At school he became known as the go-to guy for anything computer related.

Instead of having a low self-esteem about what he’s not good at, my son can be proud of what he is good at.

We just need to excel in one thing to compensate for inferiority in other areas.

2. Prepare something good for your child every day. Imagine your child going through the school day teased by other kids, or embarrassed by the teacher, or experienced any number of things that would cut several notches off his self-esteem. What if he comes home and got more of the same from you? – Go do your homework, go get ready for bed, don’t slouch, what’s the matter with you, get off the computer!

Wouldn’t it raise his self-esteem if instead he comes home to his favorite snack? Or maybe an ice cream float, or some special dessert after dinner? Maybe he can take a bubble bath and play in the tub for a while.

Our child may not tell us what went on at school. But we know enough. We’ve been there too. And we can take some efforts to make home a safe place.

3. Praise generously, but also sincerely. Children know if you are not honest with your compliments. If you always say “good job”, it loses its impact. When offering praise, be specific so your child knows you notice the details and really mean it. “Thanks for picking up your clothes. I notice those dirty socks are gone!”

What are other ways to boost your child’s self-esteem?