Adventures in Parenting

If you have a 16-year-old, I bet you’ve grown more than a few white hairs worrying about your teenager getting his/her driver’s license. I know I have!

My son was in a car accident recently, thank God everyone was alright. It could’ve been worst. But it’s one of those phone calls you don’t want to get, “Mom, I’m in an accident!”

DriveCam, Inc. came out with a camera that is designed to be installed in the car. It allows you to see everything, every minute of what your teen is doing in the car, and how he/she is driving.

The DriveCam records both the inside of a car and the view outside through the windshield. It analyzes any unsafe movements and emails a report to the parent within 24 hours. DriveCam also sends a weekly report rating the teen’s driving and safety skills.

From the parent’s point of view, installing a DriveCam is a safety issue. If something happens, such as an accident, the authorities can be notified right away. Knowing that someone is watching will keep your child accountable to driving more carefully, and keep friends in the car acting appropriately. Those are good things, right?

From the teenager’s point of view, it is a trust issue. “Don’t you trust me to behave properly? Do you have to be watching me every minute?” Those are legitimate responses. My opinion of DriveCam is much like my stand on installing spyware on your children’s computer.

Our children are sometimes given more freedom than they can handle at their stage of growth. Just because they can type doesn’t mean they can be responsible to avoid all the bad stuff on internet. They don’t have the maturity nor established convictions to turn from temptations (many adults don’t either, for that matter, but I digress.)

Hence, it is the parents’ responsibility to coach their children in the proper use of the internet. Spyware and such are merely tools to keep the child accountable while the parent gives the guidance.

In the same way with driving, just because they have a driver’s license doesn’t mean your child will drive responsibly. In the perfect world, a driver’s license mean our children would know not to drive recklessly or to take a carload of friends for a joy ride. But having the freedom to go anywhere in a car is a lot of freedom to handle at 16 or 17 years old.

It is the parents’ responsibility to guide their children in practicing safe driving and not treat driving like a game. It is literally a matter of life and death.

So should you use spyware and DriveCam?

1. Any tool you use should not replace your parental responsibility. Parents may be tempted to use these devices to take the place of parenting. It allows them to let their children use the car or computer without proper guidelines. But the tool can not replace the relationship of caring, the attention your child needs, or the rules you should set on the use of the car or the computer.

2. A tool can be useful to help our children act more responsibly. We all act better when we know we re being watched by our boss. DriveCam acts in the same way. It can help our children drive better, which may end up saving their lives.

3. A tool should not give you a false sense of security. Any device can be hacked or the reports may be misleading. Do not drop your guard thinking your children are protected by a device.

4. A tool cannot turn a bad child into a good child. If your child has not shown himself to be responsible enough to use the car, should you let him use the car by installing the DriveCam? No! He needs to learn to be responsible as a person first and earn your trust, with or without the DriveCam.

In our house, we do not use spyware. I make sure the computer is in a open area, and I am there with my children to see what they are doing. That way, I can advise them as I see fit. I see these as opportunities to teach them values that go beyond the use of the computer. If my children show any signs of abusing their privilege, I would discipline them and take away some computer privileges accordingly. I have the same philosophy about DriveCam.

What do you think? (You don’t have to agree with me 🙂

Photo by Mike “Dakinewavamon” Kline