Adventures in Parenting

While out with some clients for lunch, I tried in vain to remember the proper etiquette from Emily Post.

Am I suppose to order a drink to be socialable? Is there a rule as to who orders first? Who pays the bill?

I grew up in a very casual family where proper table manners were not emphasized. We came to the dinner table at various times, and left the table whenever we were finished. Everything was family style. My parents did not like to entertain, so we did not often have to deal with guests.

With my children, the only thing I’ve taught them differently is to have everyone at the table to pray before we start eating, and stay at the table until everyone is done. We don’t ask nicely, “Can you pass the peas, please?” We just reach across the table and grab what we want.

Although formal table manners will probably never be practiced in our home, I think it is necessary to teach my children the proper behavior in different eating situations.

Here are some basic table manners we can teach our children:

1. Wait until everyone is seated at the table before you begin eating, no matter how hungry you are.
2. Sit up straight, legs on the floor, not curled up Indian style. Don’t swing your legs around and kick someone under the table.
3. At formal meals, there are often many utensils on the table. A simple rule to remember is to start with the forks on the outside for the first course, and move in towards the plate for the next utensil for the next course.
4. Eat slowly, chewing with the mouth closed. Do not take large bites of food. Do not bend your head down to your plate and shovel food into your mouth.
5. Do not reach across the table for condiments, food or anything else. Ask the person next to you to please pass it to you.
6. Do not pick up your plate or bowl to get the last drop.
7. Please, no burping. If you do, cover your mouth and say excuse me. It doesn’t matter that in other countries burping is considered a compliment to the chef. It’s still impolite in most countries of the world.
8. Put your napkin on your lap, not under your chin.

Here are a couple of suggestions for how to teach table manners:

1. It’s a downer if you are always correcting the children at the table. “Don’t do this, don’t do that.” Rather than correcting their every move, the best way to teach these manners by modeling them. When my daughter starts to reach across to get the salt and pepper, I say, “I’ll pass it to you dear.” Or I’ll say, “Let’s put our napkins on our laps before we pray.” Say “excuse me, please” even if you are just leaving the table to get a knife.

2. I read somewhere to make the learning experience fun by planning various types of eating situations at home. For example, have a formal night where everyone dresses up. I have not done this, but it sounds like it could work if your children are at least school age.

What other suggestions do you have?

Photo by karindalziel