Adventures in Parenting

Amy Chua’s post “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior” hit a nerve and caused quite a stir in the parenting community. Everyone is weighing in on the parenting debate, even those who do not have kids.

I may as well add my piece with a quick thought here.

If you’ve read Chua’s post, you know why it has sparked controversy. According to Chua, the “Chinese” parenting method of exerting high expectations and control of your children is not only good for children, but she criticizes the “Western” lenient methods as not bringing out children’s full potential.

At first reading of Chua’s post, I found it aggravating. How dare she stereotype the “Chinese” parent as being so cruel! As a Chinese mom, I felt offended. But on second reflection, I thought perhaps it was a tongue-in-cheek exaggeration of the way she parented her girls. Seriously, never watch TV or play computer games? Never?

But fabricated or not, I know exactly the type of “Chinese” parenting style she is talking about. My daughter’s friends talk about being yelled at for getting an A-.The only class where anything less than an A is acceptable is PE.

High expectations are typical of “Chinese” parents, but I don’t believe it has to be coupled with threats and meanness to motivate children to strive for their potential.

It may seem obvious, but the “superior” parenting method is taking the best of the “Chinese” and the “Western” mothers. A parent who sets high expectations, and at the same time provides a warm and happy environment for her children would be the perfect incubator for “successful” children.

The most important part of the equation is the character of the mother herself. If she can purify her own motives, display strength in compassion, character, and integrity to guide her in raising her kids, coupled with a true positive spirit for life, I believe she’s half way to producing “successful” children.

Hey, but since no parent is perfect, it seems to me we also cannot expect to have 100% A+ children.

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Read more of my thoughts on the Tiger Mom – “High Expectations of Character”