Adventures in Parenting

Is it always bad to feel bad?

This is the third in a series about how negative situations can in fact be good for our children. Read the first one here, and the second one here.

“Life has its ups and downs.”

Difficult times will come, even to a child. Whether it’s moving to another city, starting at a new school, trouble with friends, or family chaos, our children will inevitably go through some hard times in their young lives.

How do we teach our children this deep truth about life when they have to face hard times?

How do we encourage them not go through difficulties and not despair?

Here is a great story to read to your children:

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn to not judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son who went in the winter said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.

The second son who went in the spring said no – it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son who went in the summer disagreed, he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son who went in the fall disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but one season in the tree’s life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are – and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life – can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it’s winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Don’t judge a life by one difficult season. Don’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.