Adventures in Parenting

Is it always bad to feel bad?

This is the second in a series about how negative situations can in fact be good for our children. Read the first one here.

“Come on guys, let’s go to a party.” Sure!

“Come on guys, let’s go to a funeral.” Silence.

Nobody really enjoys funerals. It’s solemn, it’s sad, and everyone is crying.

I had the unfortunate opportunity to attend several funerals this year.

The kids never want to go, no surprise there.

Fortunately we are not invited to funerals very often, so when death comes to a friend or relative, I like my kids to attend funerals once in a while.

You know, it’s good for us and for our children to feel that kind of sadness sometimes. Here is what I mean:

1. Facing the reality of death gives us a proper perspective of life. I remember when I was young, I thought I had all the time in the world. “There is always tomorrow.” Facing death close to home helps our children see that life is indeed finite. Why waste it on quarrels, bad decisions, pettiness, and all those things that do not matter?

2. Facing the reality of death allows us to appreciate each other. No matter how much a family do not get along, we never want a family member to die. As my husband and I are facing those dreaded but inevitable issues of high cholesterol, heart disease, aches and pains, we are constantly being reminded that life is just too short to waste on being mad! I spend more time now just enjoying the good qualities of my husband and my children. I value each moment we have instead of being critical and harsh. You might say I’ve mellowed out. I’m sure my children wish I was this way 20 years ago.

3. Facing the reality of death motivates us to express our love before it’s too late. Often we hear people say at funerals “I never had the chance to tell him how much I loved him!” Too many good words go unsaid while we have the opportunity. Don’t make the mistake of waiting till it’s too late. After a funeral, we often take some time just to express words of love to our children along with big hugs. Kind words can never be said too much.

4. Facing the reality of death brings our focus to what matters most. Does money really matter that much? Is it worth the sacrifice of time with your family? What do you want to be remembered for? What do you want your children to remember after you are gone? The stuff that matters becomes more urgent when we realize our limits of time here with our children.

Read the next one in the series here.