Adventures in Parenting

This may surprise you, but I read that most teenagers actually rate their parents high on the list of people they trust to give them accurate information about sex.

Yet, we as parents are often embarrassed to talk about sex with our children, aren’t we?

Honestly, my mother never talked to me specifically about sex. It was a taboo subject at our house. I learned from biology books!

However, throughout my life, my parents taught me the value of being pure, not to act with impropriety, and that my body is private. And I’d be in a heap of trouble if I got pregnant! Those attitudes and that (healthy dose of) fear allowed me to practice abstinence until I got married. I am so glad I did, and I thank my parents for bringing me up right.

While it is rather difficult to explain the whole thing about the birds and the bees, our children really do not need us to tell them the physiology of how babies are made. That’s the easy part.

The more important subject is the morality of sex. Why is it wrong to have sex before marriage? What about if you really love someone? How far is too far?

As it is often said, values and attitudes are caught, not taught. This is true of sex education at home. So do not worry too much about having “The Talk”. It is more important that throughout your child’s growing up you are taking teachable moments to convey to him your values.

Here are some areas where children catch our attitudes about sex:

1. What we watch on TV and movies. Attitudes about sex is constantly being portrayed in the media. Whether it’s a comedy, a mystery, a suspense, or a romance, sex is always in there somewhere. I dare say 99% of what is shown is not what we want our children to embrace. But when our children see the openness of premarital sex and displays of heavy affection coming into our living room through the tube, and we are all there watching it, what type of message are they getting?

2. Your relationship with your spouse. If we build a strong marriage relationship with our spouse, our children will see that marriage works and it is worth waiting for. If they do not see a good marriage, they figure, why wait? It’s no fun to be married anyway.

3. Show them true love. When we show acts of kindness to our spouse and others around us, when we stay in a marriage and work things out, when we give 100% towards our family, we teach our children that love is a commitment, not just a feeling. When they ask, “Why is it wrong to have sex with someone if you are truly in love?” The answer is apparent. Love is only true when two people are willing to commit themselves in a marriage. If there is no commitment, it is not true love, no matter how it feels. That’s why sex before marriage is not done with true love.

4. Admit our own mistakes. I am ashame of the many mistakes I’ve made as a youth in the past. When it is appropriate, I believe it is ok to be honest and admit my past failures to my children. We can let our children learn from our mistakes. I’ve told my children some of the stupid things I’ve done. I also tell them what I’ve lost because of those mistakes – I’ve lost innocence, I have to live with bad memories, I’ve hurt others. While the past is in the past and our lives are great now, many mistakes just can not be repaired. It cost us something, and we hope they do not make the same mistakes.

5. Have high expectations. Let your children know that their body is special and private and not to be misused. Hold up a high standard of morality, and your children will respond in kind.

Photo by aussiegall