Adventures in Parenting

During recess at the elementary school today where I was substituting, I observed with interest all the children playing in the playground. There were boys playing football and kickball in the field. Groups of kids were playing handball and basketball on the blacktop. Some were on the swings and monkey bars. Many of the girls were chatting around the tables.

Then I also noticed a few kids who were by themselves, walking around absentmindedly, or kicking a ball by himself. There were a few who were with just one friend, walking and talking quietly.

If I am the mother of one of the kids, where would I wish my child to be? Playing basketball with the group or by himself without friends?

Most of us probably want our kids to be “normal”, to be with the “in” crowd and not an outsider. We want our kids to have friends, be popular, be athletic, be the student body president, wouldn’t we? It would pain us if our child was the one eating lunch by himself, wouldn’t it?

I remember when my daughter was about 2 years old, we were out with a friend also with her 2 year-old. Everyone was complimenting her little girl – how cute she was, how friendly she was, and such cute outfit she had on. I stood by with my daughter, feeling rejected and offended. My daughter doesn’t have cute blond curls and she is shy with people.

Then I got to thinking, did the lack of attention hurt my daughter? Actually not a bit. What did she know at that age. It only hurt me and my pride. I admit, it was my pride. I wanted to brag about my children. I want to be known as the mother who has the best kids. I want my kids to be voted Most Likely to Succeed, or chosen as the Homecoming Queen, so I can have bragging rights. It’s just about me. Do my kids exist for me? Are my kids suppose to be “successful” for my sake?
My experience with my children who were never the “popular” type made me realize that much of our expectations for our children are based on what I want them to be. But some of our kids are just not going to be athletic, not out-going, not a high achiever, not the popular. Will we be disappointed? Will we be ashamed? Were we hoping for more bragging rights?

As a parent, what is our goal? Do we want “successful” child in the eyes of the world?

I believe our job is to bring up children with character, with integrity, who will live up to their potential, who will serve their fellow man, who live to do God’s will with an eye towards eternity. It may be that our kids will not be the captain of the debate club. Don’t worry, that’s not what success is about.

If they gain riches and fame along the way of being “successful” in the eyes of God, it is incidental and it would only serves to fulfill God’s purpose for them.

Photo by Moriza