Adventures in Parenting

There is no lack of parenting books out there in the bookstores.

There are lots of websites like this one to give you parenting advice.

But there is one source of parenting advice that we rarely tap into.

Today is Day 28 of our 30 Days to Better Parenting Challenge. Our task today is to ask the expert in our own home for some advice – our own children. If your children are older than 3 years old, you can tap into their wisdom.

You can ask each of your children individually or as a group. It’s best to do this in a light-hearted atmosphere, such as during dessert, or snack time when everyone is relaxed and happy.

Frankly ask your children, “I would like to be a better parent to you. And honestly, I don’t know if I am doing a good job. Can you guys help me out and tell me some of the things that you think I am doing right? How do you think I can improve in being a better parent?”

Sure, you will get some silly responses. But I think you will be surprised at the good answers you will get.

When I did this with my children, I learned more about being a better parent than any book.

My daughter said to me, “Mom, you don’t yell at us as much as you used to.”

That just floored me! I didn’t know she thought I yelled excessively. When I thought about what she said, I knew she was right. I do yell at my kids a lot, and I don’t want to continue that pattern. I am glad she pointed it out to me. I began to control my outbursts, and found that I became so much happier.

This is especially a good exercise with your teenagers. When you admit to them that you need help, it opens their eyes to a few things about you:

1. You value their advice. When we ask for their advice, it shows them we think they of them as intelligent human beings, not just children.

2. You are modeling humility. Instead of being the know-it-all parent, you show that you need help too.

3. You are not perfect. Children become bitter at their parents and rebel because of broken promises, or unfair punishment, or preferential treatment among siblings. When our children see that we too need their help, they will be more understanding of our humanness and be more forgiving.

When you ask them for advice to be a better parent, be sure to LISTEN! Do not get defensive, do not explain your short-comings, do not be hurt. Merely listen to the advice with humility. See yourself from your child’s shoes, and you will learn some much from them.

Our children have a lot of wisdom to share with us.