Adventures in Parenting

I asked my 18-year-old daughter today what is the hardest year in her life, so far. She said definitely 6th grade. She had to adjust to starting middle school, she didn’t have any close friends, and she got her first C on her report card in one of her classes.

Middle school years are well-known to be the hardest time in a child’s life. I would never want to relive 7th grade. That was my worst time of life as a child.

However, it is not our goal as parents to remove all obstacles. Growth often comes out of adversity. Instead, we want to prepare our children of what is ahead so that when they face those difficult years of puberty and adolescence, they are not shocked or overwhelmed. We can prepare them to deal with it in a positive manner.

One way to do that is to establish a strong relationship with your child before middle school hits.

When my daughter started 6th grade, we went on what became as an annual overnight trip. It was just the two of us staying overnight at a hotel somewhere close by. It gave us uninterrupted time together.

I booked a 4-star hotel in what I know to be a nice safe area only an hour drive away (I’m not very adventurous, you can tell.) I got a great deal for $59 a night from searching on the internet. We left Friday afternoon and came back Saturday night.

The main idea here is to not make it a big deal. Keep it simple, and just spend time together is the focus. When it proves to be a positive experience, you can always do it again with more bells and whistles.

Here are some ground rules that will make your outing a success:

1. Absolutely no long lectures and no nagging. Don’t talk about the low grades, the friends you disapprove of, or the loud music. Your child will put up her defenses and the point of the trip is lost. Those issues can be dealt with at another time.

2. Ask questions and listen to your child carefully. You and I know that as parents, we already know everything! But let’s for the sake of the trip that we humble ourselves a bit and see what we can learn from our children. Listen attentively to their concerns and try to understand their way of thinking. Sometimes they just need us to listen, not to offer advice.

3. Talk about your own childhood experiences during middle school and high school. Tell some of your embarrassing stories. Share your mistakes. My children are often surprised that I went through what they are going through. I also had a tough time changing in the locker room at P.E. I had a crush on a teacher…As you do that, you will be preparing them with what they might expect.

4. Treat your child as you would your friend. Enjoy a few laughs, talk about your lives, and share your dreams.

Even if your child is older, it’s not too late. Any time is a good time to spend together. It’s never wasted.

Photo by gailf548