Adventures in Parenting

A reader asks, “How hard do you push your opinions when your kid has a friend that you really don’t approve of?”

How hard you push depends a lot on the age of your child.  You have more influence on a child in single digit age than a teenager. With kids of all ages, this issues takes a great deal of finesse. Or else your efforts may be counterproductive; you end up driving your child away from you and into the hands of the undesirable friend.

No matter what age your child is, there are 2 principles to keep in mind:

1. Do not demean the friend. Since your child sees “Malfoy” as a good friend,  he will come to the defense on any attack on Malfoy. You will instead be perceived as the bad guy.

2. Do not let your child spend time with Malfoy whenever it is within your control. You can’t control their time at school. But you can say No to other times. The only time they can hang out is under your supervision. See #2 below.

While there are no quick and easy answers to most parenting questions, as you know by now, here is a start:

1. Ask questions.

Don’t lecture and don’t be offensive. Have a conversation with your child about Malfoy by asking questions: You and Malfoy are pretty good friends, uh? What is he like? What do you like about Malfoy? What do you think how Malfoy treats other people?

This will help you understand why your child is attracted to someone like Malfoy. What is it about your child that makes him seek out the type of person like Malfoy? Perhaps there are issues in your child’s life that needs to be addressed.

2. Invite Malfoy over.

Don’t allow your child to go to Malfoy house, but insist Malfoy comes to your house. Make every opportunity to invite Malfoy to your house to play. Let them play video games, provide lots of their favorite snacks, ask him to stay for dinner, invite him camping. This allows you to get a better understanding of your child as you see them interact. You can also help influence Malfoy for good. Even the Malfoys of the world could change.

3. Introduce better friends.

Get your child involve in activities around kids that you approve of. Soccer, music lessons, or Kung Fu classes allows him to meet potentially better friends. Also, more activities will keep him too busy to hang out with Malfoy. Hopefully they will then drift apart.

Photo by Pixietart