Adventures in Parenting

If you think about it, it’s not easy to be a kid.

There’s peer pressure of looking good, talking right, and acting cool. There’s pressure at school to take tests, to not get into trouble, and to not look like a fool.

And when your child comes home, what pressure does he face? Parents yelling? Siblings quarreling? A chaotic household?

Or does your child come home to milk and cookies and kind words?

Which home atmosphere gives the best chance for a child to grow into a healthy adult? That’s a no-brainer, isn’t it?

Having a home to come back to end of school, and not just a house, is an important part of a child’s growing up.

To create a warm home for our children, here are some things I’ve learned NOT to do when my children come home from school:

1. Don’t interrogate your child the minute she steps foot into the house. While I may want to know the blow-by-blow, my child may not be ready to tell me. Vanessa Van Petten suggests asking your child first if she wants to chat. “I want to hear about your day. Do you want to tell me now, or would you rather to talk later?”

2. Don’t lay on the responsibilities the minute he comes home. “Hey, you better clean up after your dog, and take the trash out.” Sure, there are chores to be done and he probably should’ve done them yesterday. But today is another new day. Lay the groundwork of a new day with positive words first and not drag in yesterday’s conflicts to today.

3. Don’t take it personally if your child goes up to his room and not talk to you. I’ve learned to give space to my kids and not be hurt by their seeming rejection. When they are ready to talk, I am there. I don’t make them feel guilty for hurting me earlier.

Here are some things to DO when your child comes home:

1. Do have cookies and milk! Who can resist? Give your kids a reason to come home and to bring their friends to your house instead of going to their friend’s house.

2. Do give some physical touch. A hug for the little ones, an arm around the shoulder for the older ones if a hug is too much right after school. I’ve seen parents pick up their kids from elementary school, take their book bags from them, and hurry off five feet in front of their kids. Some kind of touch shows tenderness that tells your child you are there for him at the end of a hard day.

3. Do be home when your children come home from school. Even if you are in opposite ends of the house, it makes a difference for a child to have a parent home. There is a sense of security and a sense of belonging to a family when you are there. They are not just coming home to a house. I know some of you have to work all day. But I encourage you to do what it takes to change your schedule so that you can be home – maybe a job share option, work from home in the afternoons, start earlier. There are more opportunities now than ever before to be able to work at home. Consider budgeting to ween yourself from working within a year.

I speak from personal experience that there is nothing more rewarding than being at home with your child when he comes home, having milk and cookies together.

Photo by jessicafm